Face Down Lyrics (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
say your right again
heed my lecture

Face Down Lyrics
Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

Today was a heartbreaking moment...

Originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan

I was laughing like a loon after accidentally scaring one of my cats, as it hit my funny bone. My youngest daughter looks at me and smiles. Then she says, "Mommy, I haven't heard you laugh like that in lots of days."

So for you child, I will smile... I will laugh... because my heart needs it just as much as yours.

We shall smile and laugh in the face of adversity. I wish you to learn this as well, child.

I love you daughter.

The darkness is receeding...

The darkness is receeding...
Originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan

I was granted a restraining order against my soon to be ex. For no contact, and conduct. I am still afraid, but now I feel that I can reach out for help.

I reach for you...

I reach for you...
Originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan

Just trust me and take my hand...
I want to show you...
that you can trust me...
to handle your heart with kid gloves...
that I can teach you wrong from right...
that you can trust me...
to love you unconditionally...
to hold the monsters at bay...

I just want them to be free from violence...

I just want them to be free from violence...
Originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan

and know they have the right to feel safe... every single moment of every single breath.

What word do you choose today?

originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan.

One word has the power
to destroy
to heal
to touch
to regret
to harm
to love
to charm
to give

What word do you choose today?

i. am. aware.

i. am. aware. Poster, originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan.

Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)

Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. (J.L. Edleson, "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." Violence Against Women, February, 1999.)

Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence. (Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children," Mediation Quarterly, 1990)

Awareness

Awareness, originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan.

Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.

Approximately 90% of children are aware of the violence directed at their mother.

Children are present in 41-55% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence calls.

Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delay, stress-related physical ailments (such as headaches, ulcers, and rashes), and hearing and speech problems.

Many children in homes where domestic violence occurs have difficulties in school, including problems with concentration, poor academic performance, difficulty with peer interactions, and more absences from school.

Approximately 15 states have passed legislation recognizing that domestic violence should affect child custody hearings.

Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes.

I finally believe...

that I deserve better than he gave me. Way better. I deserve not to be screamed at, mauled, pawed, treated as an object, slammed to the ground, emotionally manipulated, and disrespected. And raped. I deserve not to ever be raped, emotionally or physically again.

I really hope that the judge grants me the restraining order, I am afraid of what will happen if he doesn't.

During my marriage...

, originally uploaded by Ms. Ryan.

I felt like I was trapped, with no way out. Here I had children to protect and feed. He did a wonderful job of making me think i couldn't do it on my own. I can't even explain how many times he threatened to quit his job when I was at my breaking point, and ready to walk out that door.

He still is trying to control me monetarily.

It had come down...

to the choice between accepting the escalating violence and losing myself, or fighting for the right for safety for my children and myself.

Guess my will to survive was stronger than I thought.